i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
