Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
