I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
