TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
