you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Alive.
So much puke
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
