But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
