plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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