and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
