He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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