my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
