If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
