Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
