no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
