I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
