kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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