It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
