What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
