The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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