i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
