Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
