i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
