I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
