i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He did a backflip because drugs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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