I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
