Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
