I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
