I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
