Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
