I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
