**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
