im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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