so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
