So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
