Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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