textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
