i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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