Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We have so much sex to catch up on
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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