I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
