Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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