I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
