Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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