You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
