pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
