I think my fart just growled at me.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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