So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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