I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
