K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
