watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
