I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
