five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
