o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
