Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
