you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
