We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
